Blame Game - A game without fun!

Blame - A funny word and you must be wondering why?

Well, the true meaning of blame is to assign fault to someone or to something, but as we all might have experienced or may have done – it has become a word for passing off fault.

It has become every human beings tendency as it is the simplest and easiest thing to do, to place the blame on somebody else for the problems that you confront and the troubles that come your way. One tries to snuggle and find means to run away by avoiding the true fault.

If we have problem with Promotion – Blame the boss, as you feel he/she is biased while giving out promotion.

If you have problem in completing your task – Blame the colleagues, for not handling the task or co-operating with you.

If you are late to reach – Blame the traffic, even if you too are part of it.

If you have any health problem – you will blame everyone including your parents as because of them you are suffering.

Blame culture: Holding Individual, Society and the Nation at the whole backward

Well, we should first ask why we blame or rather why others blame you. The answer is, blaming has an underlying psychological purpose. You blame others for a purpose and it can be anything.

Many people use blame as a tool to keep their status high. We all need social identity and to achieve this equilibrium easily we put blame on others to bring them down which relatively makes us good. Even if you are not that politic freak, you must be reading or watching in news that how opposition or people who couldn’t win election because of their utter poor governance will make utmost use of this tool to bring current government down. They will not play their role in nation building and will keep finding fault and blaming the government who is not leaving any stone to turn around to bring glories to the country. We blame the government for being too involved, and we blame the government for not being involved enough.

Another reason to blame some is because we want them always to be in bad situation or have bad feelings so that it will make us feel better.  Many a times, we are unable to accept bad things happening to us and to overcome that we put blame on others so that we start focusing on bad happening to others and that will take us off of the bad happening to us. However, it can act as a motivation if it doesn’t come at the cost of bad happening to others.

Of the two reasons above, this one is the biggest problem everywhere. And it is Explanation. The entire world needs an explanation for everything that is going around. There is nothing wrong in asking for an explanation but the problem starts when something goes wrong and you have to explain. If you look around whether it is corporate companies, political organization, government functionary, trust, welfare societies etc, they have one philosophy – ‘There is always someone at the fault for every issue and problem’. Hope you all agree to this statement.

Let me ask you this, how many of you have a habit of saying this, "It’s nobody's fault...just bad luck."? We all do have an tendency of blaming our luck or ‘act of God’. It is a big problem when instead of finding ways to put things correctly we are giving more importance to finding blame and blaming luck or God.

You see, many a times, terrible life-threatening mistakes are being made by an organization, government or an individual which can be fatal at times, because of their negligent, will just blame and give compensation. It has become now a cultural pastime rather than accepting the truth. Finding someone to blame (and then blaming them) may give us a substitute sensation for having solved a problem when we haven't really understood cause and effect at all.

Even if you are right at blaming, it is still pure waste of time and energy and achieves nothing

In my opinion, whatever the situation be, blaming can never help and will always create resentment and tension and there is a psychology behind it.

Suppose a person, who is being blamed by you for correct reason, then you are just intensifying the situation by pointing it out. By doing so who is indeed responsible for the situation, will only make the situation worst. Instead of this what if you could say, "It's fine. henceforth please take care."! 

Suppose a person doesn't know that they are to blame, then pointing it out is going to result in a fight between you. You both will argue, which will simply waste time, and then reach a conclusion which is of no help. You will reach above point in case you established that opposite person is to be blamed.

Suppose a person is not really at fault, then blaming them will make situation as bad as it can go. You'll have an altercation, which will be denied from opposite side, and this will go till eternity. Both sides will turn bitter, and the net result will be nothing but just noise.

If you really need to analyse, then analyse the failures, not the people at play. Understand what went wrong instead of who did wrong. That way, you can get something positive out of it. Blaming isn't going to do any good, fixing the problem will.

We just need to have an intention to find a solution instead of just blaming. Take this example of your parents when you fail. Even though they don’t know any technicality of your problems on the matter but their consoling, caring and encroaching words and mostly importantly belief in you, is enough for you to fight back.

It is rightly said, At any given moment, you have the power to say, “This is not how the story is going to end." The day you stop blaming others is the day you begin to discover who you truly are.

Life without Blame Game – A lesson to be learnt

Ask this to yourself:

If everything is someone else's fault, then what part do I play in my own life? Are my actions entirely without consequence? Am I that powerless? Or do all my actions only lead to good outcomes? Am I an entirely new type of human being?

For every single thing that has ever happened to you, either good or bad, it is only you who is responsible, as you are the Master of your Destiny, and whatever you have sowed is what you eventually reap sooner or later. All the problems that come your way are in fact a blessing in disguise and a stepping stone to success and glory. They simply indicate and make you aware that there is something wrong that you are doing, and your only job is to correct that wrong. Whether you are seeking promotion success in business or family, or better Health, just get rid of the wrong elements that are within you. Instead of blaming others’, simply Blame your Self and find the faults within to get on the road of correction. And on this road you will find all that you are looking for.

Remember, "The only genuine way not to make mistakes is not to be in the world."

1. Believe there is a lesson to be learned and consent to learn it. Unless you’re really willing to learn the lesson, even if it feels uncomfortable at times, you can never move forward.

2. Admit that you might have helped create the problem. This doesn’t mean no one else played a part; it just means perhaps you did, as well.

3. Take some alone time and review the situation. Once we review the situation from a third party perspective, we clearly see all the things we could have done better.

4. Let go of your attachment to the problem. The more you “leech” onto a problem, the more it “leeches” right back on you. 

5. Forget blame and focus on where to go from here. Get used to saying out loud: "Okay, it happened! For the time being, we need to focus on making things better!" You can give people feedback later, once you've calmed down and if it's necessary.

I would like to end this with a short story which you might have read. Just a reminder in that case.

Whom to Blame?

A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a Loving couple and the boy was the gem of their eyes.

When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for office so he asked his wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard. His wife, preoccupied in the kitchen totally forgot about the open medicine bottle.

The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle fascinated by its colour and drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine Meant for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed, mother hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned. She was terrified how to face her husband.

When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and uttered just five words.

The husband just said "I am with you Darling." The husband's totally unexpected reaction is a proactive behavior.

The Child is dead. He can never be brought back to life.

There is no point in finding fault with the mother. Besides, if only he had taken time to keep the bottle away, this would not have happened.

No one is to be blamed. She had also lost her only child. What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband. That is what he gave her.

If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world. "A journey of a thousand miles Begins with a single step." Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness and fears. And you will find things are actually not as difficult as you think.

Moral of the Story:

Sometimes we spend time in asking who is responsible or whom to blame, whether in a relationship, in a job or with the people we know. By this way we miss out some warmth in human relationship.